#1. Don't put on your work clothes until right before you leave the house.
This mostly applies to parents of babies who are still on a liquid diet and make a habit of spitting up on your only clean work shirt right before you leave the house. This does also apply to toddlers who make a habit of getting their dirty breakfast strawberry fingers all over your white skirt. Most parents pack an extra set of clothes for when the child gets messy, but it makes sense to pack an extra set of clothes for yourself in case of emergencies.
#2. If it fits in your baby's mouth...
It will inevitably end up there if they can reach it. This applies to dog hair, rocks, dirt, sticks, grass, plants, dog toys, dog food, bugs, and just about any other gross thing you can think of that doesn't belong in there. Give a crawler two minutes where you aren't watching their every move, and beware!
#3. Babies make an insane amount of bodily waste
Babies are growing at a very fast pace for the first year of their life, so it makes sense that proportionately, they take in a lot of calories, but have you ever done the math? As a 3 month old baby, my son, who weighed about 15 lbs, could drink 40 ounces of milk in a day. That is the equivalent of a 150 lb adult drinking 25 lbs of milk per day or 3.125 gallons! It comes as no surprise then that they produce a lot of poop, but before I was a mom, I truly had no idea how much poop could come out of something so small! We had our own name for the messes he would create, "poo-splosions!" Basically, this is when the poop is not contained in the diaper, and it comes squirting out the back of the diaper resulting in a need to change the entire outfit because somehow poop would have not only leaked up towards the neck, but also down the pant-leg. We had to bring about 3 outfit changes per day to daycare because of events like this! This also helped me become good friends with the Clorox 2 pen for fighting poo stains.
#4. The house can go from 'clean' to explosion in 5 minutes flat
Speaking of messes... once the babies start eating solid foods, the diaper messes become more manageable, but at that time, the house messes begin to get worse. My son thought it was so much fun to pull all the coupons out of the basket... and then all of the recycling out of the bin... and then all of the toys out of everywhere!!! And guess what! As they get older, the toys get smaller and even harder to clean up! Yay! At some point, he will be able to clean up his own messes, right?... Right?... Anybody?
#5. Babies have unusual fear and lack of fear
My son had the strangest fears before the age of one.
- Grass - that's right, grass. He would sit on a towel in the yard, but refused to go beyond the safe borders of the edges for fear the grass would, I don't know, cut him?
- Behind-the-door spring - you know, the thing that keeps your doorknob from gradually ramming a hole into your wall? When you push it, it makes a nice springy noise that can apparently terrify a child.
- Vacuum - at least this one makes sense. I am not a lover of this machine myself and the noise is rather loud.
- Strangers - anyone was fair game for a flirting with.
- Animals - no fear of a dog weighing 3-4x his weight licking his face?
- Heights - up was always the direction to go - pick me up, bounce me up, throw me up in the air - no fear of heights here!
#6. Children can laugh and cry at the same time!
I don't know how they stand the emotional roller-coaster that they create for themselves, but kids have a way for making things they don't like the worst ever and things they do like the best ever! They cry for reasons we can't understand and laugh for reasons we don't understand. They can scream because they're excited, surprised, mad, frustrated, imitating an animal noise, because they're running or for any other number of reasons. The amount of noise they can make for all of these emotions is enough to drive parents insane some days, and to a child this is normal!
#7. Kids have an inexplicable love for Elmo
I don't understand the obsession myself, but sure enough, Elmo was one of the first two syllable words my son said that wasn't just a one syllable word repeat (mama, dada, woofwoof). Every kid has their own favorite shows (if they watch TV), but Sesame Street is not my son's favorite show. Elmo's World (the 10-15 minute segment at the end of Sesame Street) is! But hey, it's better than Barney, right?
#8. All the things you said you would never do with your child are back on the table.
Kids are rule changers. Period. You might think you have it all figured out before you have kids. You tell yourself, "I won't let them watch TV before they're two," and "They will NEVER eat sugary foods." The truth is, you don't really know what you will or won't let them do until they are right there in front of you. You will stand your ground about the things that you consider important and you will inevitably give in on something you realize isn't as important as you once though it was. If you asked me 3 years ago if I would buy my nearly 2 year old son an enclosed trampoline to put in our living room. I would have told you, "No way!"
Which brings me to #9.
#9. Your child's hugs and laughter become some of the best parts of you day.
I don't need to expand much on this one, but it's true. There is just something so great about hearing your child laugh in a way that only a child can. It is unfiltered, uninhibited, and usually contagious!
#10. As soon as you think you have it all figured out, the rules change!
I don't have it all figured out. You don't have it all figured out. Child psychologists don't have it all figured out! Every child is unique and I think that's why the parenting advice industry is such a large market place. There is no ONE answer for any parenting challenge. The best advice I can give is to take it day by day and try to learn from any mistakes you make along the way. Love your child to the best of your ability and soak up the love they give you in return.